This is one of those times when it would be easier to blog about the "cute" or good stuff in my life. Instead I have the choice of acting like all is well in my world or opening up a little "blaaah" to my blog.
I am slightly disappointed that my plans and God's plans do not line up for my life right now. In my mind I would have already had a fourth child and possibly contemplating the addition of a fifth. Instead, I am on hold until this October before even attempting to try for a new baby. Everywhere I turn someone is having a baby or either just had a baby. My Mama called this morning to inform me my brother's sister-in-law had a baby today; my next door neighbor is expecting her fourth child, MckMama is expecting her fifth child, one of my former students informed me that February will be the month her and her husband begin trying for their first baby.
Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled for each one of these people and wish them all the best joy that a new child brings - it's just, I would like to be right there with them. Why is this discontentment ROBBING me of the joy of being with my precious little ones now? How do I prevent this UNREASONABLE despair? I mean, rationally, my plate is full right now. A husband, three kids, church involvement, major vacation planning, plus I enrolled in a mandatory college course for this semester. Talk about ordering your private world, I have a lot to be ordered!
I recently had a relative to share with me some of her struggles in staying in a marriage where her spouse cheated on her. She told me that daily she must saturate herself with scriptures. I'm thinking, I must do the same in order to have peace about God's plans for my life. I realize I will never fully understand the ends and outs of His plans but I do know that He desires a peace in my life. And I am ALL FOR THAT!