Ramblings of a Mom

Have you noticed that: a.  I have not blogged for 31 consecutive days about Motherhood?  and b.  pretty much each of my blog posts are about Motherhood?  These are just thoughts I am thinking this evening.
Ever wondered what your home is going to be like when the kids are gone?  Now I don't mean like, "Yippee!  The kids are outta the house!" But I mean what will the physical home look like?  What will your relationship with your spouse look like?  What will you identify yourself as once the kids are gone? 
The moment I had Dos I felt like a missing piece to the puzzle called my life had been found.  I felt a sense of wholeness and purpose unlike any other time in my life.  Therefore, I already know that once Quattro leaves my home I'm gonna have some real identity crisis issues to work on.  For this reason I am working really hard now to protect my relationship with Numero Uno  in order to keep him as my numero uno. 
I'll be honest, I wonder "what am I gonna do with myself?"  I've worked in a career where I felt unmotivated and dissatisfied.  Motherhood has been my greatest joy.  As cheesy as it sounds, this is a joy I wish all people could experience.  I LOVE being with my kids, interacting with them, volunteering in their classrooms, holding my baby close as he goes to sleep, making supper for them, listening as they read to me, praying with them at night. Will this love and passion simply be rerouted to being a support to my adult children?  I hope so.  I enjoy the relationship I have with my Mom and can see how she still steps in and offers help.  And I appreciate that.  I want to do the same for my kids.  I wanna be the Mom that helps plan the weddings, shops with my adult kids, go to grandkids' sporting activities, go to consignment sales for my grandkids. 
What steps do you take right now to protect your marriage relationship?  How do you prepare yourself for the transition of an empty nest?

Gentleness. Who needs it?

Well the answer would be: me.  I need it.  Do you ever watch the Duggars?  If you've read my blog any at all you know I do.  I'm always impressed with how calm Michelle Duggar always seems.  Children have been one of my greatest blessings but at the same time they are the quickest means of pushing my buttons.  I had no clue I even had a quick temper until kids arrived on the scene.  Remember Jon and Kate plus 8?  (Another show that I loved)  People gave Kate a bad rap (including my husband) but I don't know.  I kept thinking "what in the world would people think if a camera followed me around all day watching my every move with my kids?"  I still think Kate did the best she could.  I mean 8 kids.  Come on! 
Okay, back to gentleness.  This attribute is one I am working to cultivate in me and my kids.  I'm telling you it takes work for me.  And I love my kids!  It's not that I run around angry all the time.  I just find that I tend to get stressed out when things don't go as planned (which is everyday).  I know I've mentioned it before but I'll mention it again, iMom has been a great tool for me here lately.  The Espresso Minute has given me quick pointers on areas to improve in my home.  One little article asked how am I being gentle to others? my children? my pets?  I did get tickled and frustrated over the last one because I have a true love/hate relationship with our little dog.  And for the life of me when I think about this little dog I don't know why she gets under my skin so.  She's a great dog! 
The point is my children see how I treat the dog, how I treat others, and even how I treat them.  My example of gentleness will guide them in gentleness. 
So, what are my pointers? 
1.  I'm focusing on the scripture that says "a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger".
2.  I'm looking at what needs to be done, estimating a time to complete it then tripling that time in order to accommodate the unplanned events that pop up in a family of six (planning will cut down on my stress which will cut down on my harsh reactions).
3.  I'm trying to put myself in my kids' shoes.  Not to excuse unwanted behavior but to identify where they're coming from in order to help me know how to respond. 
Has it worked?  Well, prayer is always important.  Anyone who knows me knows that my mistakes are usually pretty public and that is with a lot of prayer!  But I take heart in thinking, "what would I be like without God and prayer?"  Scary thought!  I would say the "tripling your time expectations" has been a big help.  For example, last night, I had everything planned out that needed to be done.  I gave myself triple the time I thought it would take.  I was getting things done beautifully when I got a call from my man that he had a hole in his oil pan and I needed to come pick him up.  Instead of getting angry for the change of plans, I was able to roll with the punches.  Yay! 
I desire gentleness because I want my children to be receptive to my input not shy away from it.  Plus I want kids that are gentle with others.  Like I said, I'm impressed with Michelle Duggar:)

Down on the Farm

Dos and Tres' school has a policy of no preschool age children attending field trips.  I'll be honest, at first I was put off by this. However, today was Tres' field trip to a local farm and Numero Uno was off and able to keep Quattro which meant I could spend one-on-one time with Tres.  It was a fantastic day!  As I think over the whole day, I come to the conclusion that the entire day was wonderful. 

We went to Gullion Farms in Somerville, Alabama.  We had a blast!  I had never heard of this farm before and it is relatively close to our home (about a 30 minute drive).  The owners/operators have done a superb job in the planning and carry out of their venue.  The kids had something to do constantly without overwhelming them.  Unfortunately I've been to pumpkin patches and/or farms where there is too much "down" time between activities or the activities quickly lose their appeal.  Not so at Gullion Farms.  Let's see if I can name all of the things we did today: met (I mean up close and personal not a fly by "petting zoo") goats, pigs, ducks, horses, donkeys, chickens, calves, bunnies; rode in a carriage ride; rode on a hay ride; slid down a HUGE slide; jumped out of a barn loft into a pile of hay; gathered eggs from the chicken coop; fished with a cane pole; had story time with the farmer's wife; got to pet animals in the petting zoo; swung on a tire swing; rode a pony; jumped in a corn kernal box; ran through a corn maze; and picked a pumpkin! Whew, what a time! 

 



My favorite part? Being with my girl.  Oh, how I love that girl.  She is something else: smart, sensitive, playful, funny, helpful, loving.  I love to hear her talk and listen to what's on her mind.  To understand her reasons for picking the particular pumpkin she selected or to hear her laughter while on a swing.  To see the fear and fascination in her eyes as she rode a pony and to feel her soft hand in mine as we walked together.  Oh what a day today was - one of the best I've had in a long time. 

 

So, would I highly recommend Gullion Farms?  Most definitely.  Very friendly people who are extremely knowledgeable about their farm.  I hope to take the rest of my family soon:) 

 



Letting Go

I'm uncertain it will ever cease to amaze me the basic topics that find their way into so many women's days.  Fundamental issues that one would think would already have been exhausted in discussions, blogs, books, etc. and yet continue to be the feed for #1 Bestsellers or Internet chatways. 
One such subject?  Letting go of STUFF. 
I actually threw away perfectly good items from my kitchen and toy room yesterday.  I had to.  I've come to realize that if I kept everything waiting for the "just right" way to release them then I would NEVER release anything from my house.  And subsequently would have my own time slot on Hoarders: Buried Alive.
There is a paralysis that takes over me when there is too much stuff in my house.  In fact, for the last three weeks I've really been feeling at a loss as to what direction to move in with my house.  One of my flaws (and there are many) is that when I know there's a problem instead of tackling it I will read and devour any material on the subject matter that can tell me how to let go of stuff.  But to be honest with you, all the pins I had pinned and blogs I've saved shared with me what I already knew: I'm not gonna have my house organized in a day, it takes time, concentrate on one area at a time, only work 15 minutes at a time. 
So...I did.  I started in my kitchen.  Really, who needs 100 plastic bags from Wal-Mart?  And you want to know why I have said bags?  Because normally for my main grocery trips I use my reusable cloth bags but when I'm running in and out of Wal-Mart I forget them.  Therefore, I feel GUILTY about having these plastic bags and vow to myself that I will reuse them and thus not be the downfall of all mankind.  LET IT GO.  I threw half of them away yesterday and you know what?  I breathe easier when there's less stuff in my house.  I literally breathe easier.  With the bags chunked, I moved on to the appliances that sit in my cabinet not being used.  In the past I would set such items out in a bag or box waiting to be taken to the local charity organization.  But that's just it - they set around waiting and piling up and collecting dust.  Now I do have good times of getting my act together and making the donations but many times these items just sit collectively somewhere in the house creating "moved clutter". I can not take it anymore.  Did I feel guilty throwing the appliances in the trash can?  Yes, but for my sanity, I needed to simply LET them GO. 
I moved on to the toy room which now that I think about it, the kitchen and the toy room are my two rooms I have the most problem with.  I only spent 15 minutes in the toy room so it does not look drastically different but I did finally throw away a doll that Tres has not played with in I don't know how long.  Did I feel guilty?  Of course, but once the deed was done I thought to myself, "why did I hang on to that thing for so long?"
Tomorrow's Saturday and I'm looking forward to sleeping late but also I'm looking forward to clearing out some more stuff:)

Oh, and by the way...Tres received the Golden Apple from her school today.  "An achievement in excellence."  Way to go, girl!

Pretty Nails

Except for the bubbling noises coming from the filter of the fish tank, the house is quiet.  Kinda amazing how calm the house seems without a TV going.  I do not know the results of the vice presidential debate.  I've been doing my nails.  It's a little of a throwback to my high school days when having my nails polished and shaped was of utmost importance.



Yes, it's true.  I've been attempting any of these style nails.  (I can hear my sister laughing at this).  Of course, I could not pull a single one of them off so I had to take nail polish off and go with a plane Jane look.  I'm sure the local community will thank me for not branching out.  Anyway...

Today was a good day.  I mean a GOOD day.  We were on time to school.  There were no arguments, I got some laundry done.  We even went and watched my nephews play soccer.  What helped?  At the dot MOM conference I signed up to receive the "Espresso Minute" from iMom and I highly recommend it.  I started getting those emails this week.  It has some great helpful tips.

Also, check out the Meet the Dubiens site.  I'm trying to win a cute little cutting bento set:)

Reading

I have mentioned before I did not cast myself in the role as an avid reader as a child.  I left that title to my older sister who always seemed to have a book in her hand.  My family did not have a TV in the house til I was about two so when it finally arrived, I seemed always glued to it.  However, upon further examination I did get a lot of great exposure to books.  In the church I attended as a child, we had this AMAZING couple that were the children's ministers.  (They were the children's ministers before "Children's Minister" was the cool title. I called them Children's Church workers)  They were phenomenal.  He served I believe in Vietnam and not sure he ever got out of the crew cut hair do.  She led the music and I can still hear her soprano at the piano.  In fact, I still sing some of those same songs to my children at night.  She worked for the publishing company Thomas Nelson and I recall on several occasions her giving me books to read.  Many of them Janette Oke books.  And I loved them.  My father also gave me books on different female missionaries.  I liked reading of their life among the poor. 
If my love for reading was questionable as a child all question now has been removed.  I love to read.  I still like to talk to my sister every now and again to get her input on books.  She is fascinating to listen to.  I think she makes me fall in love with the books before I ever turn the first page.  She has been a great resource to me as to what books to introduce to my kids.  This year I have started two separate, age appropriate baskets for Dos and Tres  in which books are held that they can read to me nightly.  Also, I've shifted from reading picture books to them to chapter books.  Right now we are reading The Boxcar Children, one of my childhood favorites.  And I look forward to some more greats that I have compiled a list to read.  Favorites such as:  The Borrowers, Charlotte's Web,Shiloh, Little House on the Prairie series.  I'm probably most excited about the Little House series and you know what?  I didn't read that until about three years ago.  I can't believe I missed out on that as a child.  I so love seeing what books my kids like to read and I enjoy reading with them.  I do not recall my parents reading to me but I want that memory for my kids.  Don't get me wrong, I've got great parents but I believe the idea of one on one reading did not enter their minds as an important task. 
What books did you grow up on? Who was a big influence on your reading habits? 

Intentional

Thought I would start the blog with a picture of this sweet pea.  This is Quattro in the hospital.  He looks quite different now and man how the time has FLOWN by.  I miss him.  Isn't that crazy to miss a child that you have?  I guess I miss the fact that I will never have another baby in my home.  I do realize he's still a baby and I am thankful each day for him.  It's just my newborn is gone.  Maybe I'm also a little sad because I believe he is weaning himself.  This is a good thing.  I mean I don't want to be the mom that has a two year old still nursing.  I was just hoping I would wean him at 12 months but I can really see he's just not much interested anymore at almost 10 months.  I'm still proud of myself for going this long:)

Now onto intentionality...To be intentional is to do something deliberately.  A calculated plan is a good description of being intentional.  To live intentionally is a thought I am mulling over in my mind.  If I was honest with myself, here lately I've only half way been intentional about my day or about my kids or my marriage relationship.  I have big dreams but I do not always map out the best way to achieve them.  I am a believer that a tremendous amount can be accomplished simply by setting your mind to it.   What an amazing blessing I have to set a goal and see it through. 
I have to make calculated plans to make sure we eat well, arrive to school on time, are polite to one another, practice our music lessons, keep a somewhat clean house.  There is a lot of intentional living to be done. 
What are my intentions?  To raise kind, compassionate children.  To be in and maintain a loving relationship with my spouse. 
What are your intentions?  How are you progressing with your deliberate plans?